I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
