I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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