so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
