I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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