I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
