why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
