We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize