Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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