Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
