I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
