Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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