Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
