I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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