my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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