Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
