i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
