I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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