And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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