I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
