we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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