you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
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There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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