There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
