Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
