What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
