do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
