I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
