cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
