u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
