I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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