idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize