she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
be right there i have to get my cape
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
