Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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