Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
