But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
