so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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