508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize