i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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