I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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