I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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