I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
