his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
