R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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