I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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