do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
