I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
