I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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