Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize