She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
