So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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