I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
