That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
