he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
