Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
