I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
