The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I touched a dick in church today
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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