You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
