Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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