FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
