is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
