Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
