I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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