she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
