about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My feet surprised me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
