you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
